God has tested me. He has pushed me to my very limits and made me question not only myself but the intent behind the journey, the reason for strife I didn’t ask for and what the ultimate outcome of the test might be.
Several months ago, I felt the call to be present in the life of another person, one whom I was not particularly close to. This person was a member of my family by association..a part of my life but not really someone who I could say I knew well. In spite of this, I was being asked to be a friend to this person, and though I didn’t understand it, in my nightly prayers I would always ask for guidance. Further in to the situation I was pushed, until my level of comfort was pushed to the maximum and I just didn’t understand how any negativity could possibly be God’s will. Why would He bring drama and unnecessary stress in to my life, in my journey to help someone else? Wasn’t the whole point of helping to make that person’s life easier, and not mine harder?
I think I understand now. God brings us to our breaking point, the edge of our metaphorical cliff not because He’s trying to make us feel painfully awkward or totally out of place. He brings us to this point so that we can meet Him in our times of confusion or in those moments that we feel lost, to remind us that this path we are in, which feels so confusing in theory, has been laid out for us and that the very position we find ourselves in is in fact no accident.
Change occurs not when we feel complacent, but when we dare to push ourselves further, to go in the direction of uncertainty and face it head on.
I’m not going to lie and say this walk with God, my path or the path of the other person, was easy. It was painful and left me feeling overwhelmed. Many times I questioned why I was in this situation or why I had been called to fix things when I was still trying to figure out how to lead my own life with grace. I wanted to cry and I considered giving up on numerous occasions.
Yet now, after the storm of this season has passed, I find myself stronger, and I hope the person I was called to help finds themselves renewed as well. In the face of those who were determined to destroy my peace and happiness, I stood firm and now, as they have departed from my life, I remain happy and content to focus on the positives in my life, leaving the negativity of others insecurities in the past.