Hello old friend.
It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? We’ve spent so many of our waking hours letting little slices of life consume our attention, and we’ve forgotten to check in on each other. I hate that, don’t you? The way minutes can suddenly turn in to weeks and we realize all of the things that have happened that we want to share, storing these instances in the little file cabinets of our mind, waiting to share them with each other. I love the sharing, but I hate that it feels like it always takes so long to get there.
So I thought I would say hello.
Seems silly doesn’t it?
We already know each other..why am I introducing myself? Because I would like you to meet the new me, the last few weeks and months me that has endured more than I should have, that has come to a fresh understanding of who she is and I feel like you don’t know her just yet.
I am more confident now.
Remember the times when we talked, and I mentioned how I was always struggling to find my worth, always feeling as if I didn’t belong, didn’t matter, didn’t deserve? I do. I remember her all too well, the girl who constantly wrestled with self doubt. The doubt usually one. Then she sat herself down, and with the encouraging and assertive words of another, took inventory of who she was. Not the person that she thought others wanted..not the person she was trying to be for them. She realized she had more to offer than she ever understood, and defined herself the way she wanted to be known, not what she thought was most likable. And when she shed the illusions she had of what life should be like from everyone else’s angle..it was the most free-ing emotion she had felt in ages.
I am more assertive now.
I came to understand, that in trying to be there for everyone, I was losing myself. I was giving so much of myself to others, trying to be everyone’s hero, that I didn’t realize how many people were taking advantage of my kindness. I was there for other people, but when I looked around, they weren’t there for me. It was lonely and so draining. And I made the crucial decision of removing them from my life. I want to see others succeed, to witness others embracing happiness, but when that goal affects my own happiness and my ability to function as the best person I can be..I knew at that moment I had to let them go.
I am happy now.
I am truly happy now. I am happy with how far I have come. I am happy with who I am turning in to.
So old friend, thanks for catching up. I am doing well now. How are you?