I am not his secretary

I love my husband very much, and as his wife I enjoy doing things for him that help to ease the burden of his day. Whether this be preparing his favorite dinner, allowing him to relax after a particularly grueling day, or even purchasing an item I know he enjoys eating on an impromptu run to the store, I enjoy doing these things for my husband, because he is not only the father of our children but my partner in life.

However, there is one thing that I have found to be an annoyance in our marriage, and it does not stem from him at all. In fact, it doesn’t affect our marriage at all, and yet, it does.

Confused? I am too, to an extent.

My husband and I have known one another for the better part of our twenties. During this time, we have both established lasting friendships, and many of his friends are my friends. I know their likes, dislikes and romantic partners. I have been to their weddings, met their girlfriends over dinner or drinks. As partners, we not only share a mutual love for each other..we share the same group.

On several occasions I have found myself in a position..and perhaps you have too. A position where I am asked a question, or a comment is made to me, about my husband, one which is likely intended for his ears..but I am expected to pass it along to him.

I understand the logic behind this. I certainly do. After all, we are married, and who sees him most often? Of course, me. But at the same time, in a world driven by technological advances that allow us to speak to each other through live video chat, without ever leaving the comfort of our own homes, for example, I suppose I don’t understand why these people cannot speak to him directly.

I know this may sound negative, and that is certainly not my intention. I do love my husband’s friends and I treat them with the same level of respect that I would expect from my husband if the roles were reversed. However, I find myself wondering, when I receive another instant message or even a text message from a mutual friend stating, “Can you let your husband know,” a minor sense of annoyance creeping in. The reason for the annoyance is stemmed in the fact that these people are purposely avoiding contacting him, and going through myself instead.

I suppose I may be making more of these occurrences that need be. However, if you are not a family member who cannot get ahold of my husband, and have a legitimate concern regarding the nature of our family, I do not understand the need to treat me a buffer of sorts. I am certain that I likely speak for others when I state that no one is comfortable with being placed in the middle of situations where they clearly do not belong.

So friends, I ask, and I extend these words not only to our close friends, but to anyone who finds themselves in the same position, whether the buffer or the friend putting another person in the middle…please consider who you speak with before you ask.

Because of course, when you call…I hope you want to talk to me…and are not just leaving a message for the secretary. 1d7cc8caf4498348c09cb3a9bd411227

2 thoughts on “I am not his secretary

  1. I would find the annoyance in having to deal with it period, it’s obvious now but while reading I didn’t even consider that they’re doing it to avoid him. Which makes no sense as once you pass the message to him he can confront the person anyway…


    • I agree, it’s so silly. My husband and I evaluated the situation and noticed only one person did it consistently..we both stopped addressing him and the issue stopped.


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