Many tears have been shed today. Yet I am not angry or sad. There is nothing within me that is causing me to feel the need to cry, and still I find myself weeping at random moments. I am not depressed, or hormonal. By all definitions, absolutely nothing is wrong.
So what is prompting these tears?
Have you ever felt a barrage of emotions at one time, uncertain of how to distinguish exactly which is most prevalent? I have. Today I am feeling everything deeply, and I am overwhelmed.
I feel blessed, for the children God has entrusted to my care. He has determined that I am the person most fit to raise their contrasting personalities and varying needs. He has gifted me with two beautiful children, who while at some times can be very demanding or incredibly frustrating (as I type, I can hear my children argue over the same toy among a sea of other toy options. This is the way most days function…no one is interested in the toy until everyone is interested in the toy).
I am also overcome with gratitude, not only at the ability that I have to be able to write full time, but that these words that I am sharing upon my computer screen are not only being read, but received and shared on other pages. When I started this journey, as a letter to myself, I had no idea I would be sharing my story with others, and I could not begin to express how truly rewarded I feel.
I am thrilled, as well, that I am able to encourage others. In a world and specifically society overwhelmed with darkness, we all need reminders of how we are loved, appreciated and needed. Too often we become engrossed in others’ perceptions of who we are, that we forget our worth, and forget what we should mean to ourselves. I am grateful that I am able to share words with others that I hope are reminding them of their self worth.
I am also at peace, and I am filled with a sense of calm so powerful that I am brought to tears by the true transformation that has occurred in my life in one short year. Last year was filled with strife, anxiety and negativity, to the point where every moment felt as if the pre-cursor to the figurative shoe dropping. I was on edge, waiting for the next painful situation or event to occur and felt hardened by the bitter shell I had become. This year, I am thankful that I am able to wake each morning feeling the presence of God and trusting in His journey for me, understanding that I am not alone upon my walk.
So while many tears are shed, they are not tears of pain, nor tears of anger or sadness. They are tears of acceptance, and faith, for a journey that is not complete, but one that I am not walking alone.