A Letter, to my former self

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Hi, it’s me. Or rather, its you. We haven’t had one of these heart to heart conversations in quite some time. I thought I would write you a letter, a keepsake that you can read, and hold close, for those times when the words that I write within will be of comfort to you.

Do you remember when you were doubting yourself so strongly that your confidence was at it’s lowest point? You weren’t certain why you felt the way you did, but you knew that you did not like the person you were becoming. You felt too weak to change who you were, and because you were questioning everything, including yourself, you allowed yourself to make several negative choices that you would later regret.

I hope you know now, that standing on the other side of those days where you felt at your most vulnerable, you are now the most confident that you have ever been. You are strong in your convictions and your opinions, and you do not feel as though you have to apologize for everything that you are doing.

Do you remember when you felt so angry at the world that you could cry? Your resentment towards the situations presented to you was so strong, so tangible, that you allowed it to consume you, until you were a shell of bitterness and negativity. You were not the type of person anyone wanted to be around, and you could feel others pulling away from you. You didn’t want to ask for another person to offer you their ear so that you could decompress. You would rather be miserable in your struggles, until you held your anger in so tightly, bottling your emotions until you exploded.

I want to let you know that you did open your heart. You let others in, and you became incredibly grateful that you did. No longer did you have to bear the weight of your struggle alone. You allowed yourself to trust others. It was one of the greatest decisions you ever made.

Do you recall how you withdrew from your faith? How you walked away from Him because you wondered, in your thoughts and out loud, how someone you could be faithful too could withdraw themselves from you, leaving you to question everything you thought that you knew? Do you remember asking yourself and others how a God that you believed in could put you through these awful things? Do you remember how you considered never going back?

You did.

You allowed Him back in to your heart. You began to trust in him again. You began to feel your soul transform, your spirit refresh. You felt faithful, and you no longer said His name only when angry.

Do you remember the time you asked yourself how anyone could possibly have a more difficult year? You asked, wondered, and pleaded to Him and anyone that would listen how it was physically and humanly realistic for anyone to go through as much heartbreak in one year as you endured. You thought to yourself how this must possibly be a joke, because no one, in real life, could experience as much loss and pain as you had. You were constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, the next bad thing to happen to you.

I want you to know now, that all of the pain that you endured, the heartbreak that at the time seemed to overwhelm you until you couldn’t breathe? There was a purpose for your pain. You have found a way to channel your experiences in to something magnificent and beautiful. You are motivating, empowering and encouraging others. You are happy. Truly happy. You don’t question the future, and you look upon every day with new possibility.

From your former self..everything that you thought at the time was going to emotionally or physically drain you? It didn’t.

It has made you stronger. So much stronger than you ever could have imagined.

And I hope you know that you are doing just fine.

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