Have you ever heard the saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans?”
I had wonderful plans. Purchase a house, have a third child. A backyard for our dog to run in, and a wonderful job that would bring me financial and personal fulfillment. The dream was grand, but the reality was different.
That wonderful job? It looked pretty great on the surface. A large paycheck, what seemed like supportive and friendly co-workers.
But in reality, once the figurative curtain of Oz was drawn back, once the newness wore off, it was miserable. I left work each day either crying, or physically ill. Other colleagues were either let go, or left, in rapid succession, as the stress of the position became greater than the benefits it offered. If I had continued to stay, I’m certain, dramatic as it may sound that the position either would have killed me emotionally, or possibly literally. I was risking my health daily, and I was severely unhappy. God saw, and he responded. He knew the environment was toxic, and He withdrew me from the situation, for myself and for the greater good of my family. God heard my plans, but He didn’t want to listen. He did not want to listen not because He is not a faithful God..he just knew what was better for me in the long run than I did myself.
As I stood in our small kitchen this evening preparing dinner, I began to think about these plans I had made last year, about how naive I was before reality set in in the form of several negative events. I could be angry, that things have not turned out as planned. But I am not. I am thankful.
Confused? After all, who could possibly be thankful when all of those plans went up in figurative smoke..what is there to be happy about in that case?
My health has improved significantly since leaving that job. If I had remained there, it’s difficult to say exactly how I would be feeling now..but I can imagine it wouldn’t be good. My mood has improved also. Speaking with my son last night, he told me that he preferred this version of his mom. Taken aback by his statement, I replied. “What do you mean?”. “You were sick all the time,” he stated, and then told me that he liked this me better, because I played with him and his brother, rather than being confined to bed for several days at a time, like I had been during my working days. While there may be a possibility that I have to return to the workforce outside the home at some point, I am certain that no matter what, in whatever position I am in, I will not feel as I did in those days. God knew that this was not my long term plan.
There are days that I mourn for the other possibilities as well. The possibility of another child to love and watch grow in to a young adult. A home, in which to raise all of my children. But I do not dwell on what may have been, because I truly believe that things will happen in the time that they are supposed too. God does not fill our lives with negativity to punish us. He does not bring heartache without the promise of better things in store.
I stand in this moment, in this life, knowing that everything is temporary. This season of my life will not last forever. Greater things are in store.
It’s all of part of His plan.