For so many months during 2015, I was undeniably angry.
I was angry at my lack of understanding. Angry at the world, at a God I worshiped who seemed to have turned against me without warning, for no reason other than to bring countless painful events across my path. I was angry at my family, my life. Anything and everything endured my wrath.
I was bitter, upset and jaded. I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, the next negative event to happen. It was like an avalanche and I was the victim, buried under the weight of my burden.
I was edgy, and found myself getting on my own nerves. I could feel people withdraw in my presence, uncomfortable by me and my streak of “bad luck,” fearing that I would rub off on them and cause their year to be bad also.
I didn’t realize, as I questioned and cursed God, that He was preparing me for the next amazing stage of my life. I was too busy staring at the closed doors to notice the beauty of the open windows before me.
You see, God is faithful, and He always has a plan. Though we may not understand at the moment what His plan may be, eventually everything unfolds exactly as it is destined too. Not knowing is truly the glory of faith, the beacon that guides us when negativity leads us astray.
At the time, I yearned for what I was comfortable with. I had spent the last two years of my life in a familiar place, and I wasn’t ready to disconnect. I didn’t understand the reason.
But now I do.
I was led to this place, to this particular point in my life, because I am needed.
I am needed to be the person my children seek comfort in, rather than spending my days away from them, confined to an office.
I am needed here as well, on this page. I truly feel like I have been led here to share my words with you, to provide my perspective. I feel as if I have been called to provide the encouragement that I was so desperately seeking during my darkest times.
I may not know everything, and I will never claim that I do. But what I do know is this.
For the first time, in many, many weeks, I don’t feel angry.
For that, I am grateful.