There are days where I wake up, and from the moment I start my day, I feel as if I being propelled forward, in to the next moment, the next task. Returning phone calls, checking email to address important concerns, paying bills. Making sure everyone is fed, the dogs are walked, the house is run. And some days, I feel as if I am failing everything at once, as if I am stretching myself too thin, so that nothing receives my full attention and everything suffers. At times like these, I feel like I am not succeeding as a mother, that I am too busy being busy, and that my boys are suffering as a result.
It’s terrible. I know, realistically that my boys realize exactly how much I love them. They value the time we spend together, and I hope understand that I am giving my all at every moment, so that years from now, when they look back on their childhoods, their memories are filled with happy moments, time spent with their mother.
I honestly think that I’ve suffered from mom guilt since the moment I took my first pregnancy test 6 years ago. As soon as I realized that my existence now belonged to someone else, I started to think of everything I was doing wrong. Was I doing my children a disservice by bottle instead of breast feeding them? Would they spend time in therapy years later because we had nights where crying it out to fall asleep was the only option? Would they resent me for the time I had spent in the throes of the workplace, missing major moments in their lives? Would they hate me because lunch was too late, it wasn’t what they wanted to eat..and the list goes on.
Mom guilt is a terrible thing, because it causes us to morph the moments we should be treasuring, we should look upon knowing that we have done our best as women and as mothers, and makes them in to terrible, self-shaming moments.
So my sweet friends, I urge you..whether you are a mother currently, or are one day considering motherhood, to please remember that you are doing your best. Even if your child smears Cheeto dust in their hair, their clothes are covered with the chocolate candy they pulled from your purse without asking, or they just uttered that curse word at the worst possible time in front of the wrong audience..you are their mother. You were chosen to be responsible for their well being, and you are doing so well. You are the best mom for your kids.